20 Things You Should Stop Doing to Yourself Right Now

Our most horrible and ruthless enemy is ourselves. We are the ones who literally shape our reality by our thoughts, decisions and actions, and the quality of our life depends on our self-attitude.

Here is the list of things we should stop doing to ourselves as soon as possible to become loyal and reliable friends, support and source of inner strength to ourselves. You should start right now.

1. Stop relying on other people's opinions of you

The most unhappy people in the world are those who constantly are in search of other people’s approval. Without getting it they come to conclusion that they are nobody. Enough! As long as you give others the right to judge you through their eyes, you won’t begin to live your own bright and happy life. Accept a fact – every person has a right to have his or her own opinion, and you have a right to live the way you see fit.

2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Sometimes it’s really necessary to give vent to emotions – to cry, complain, wrap yourself in a blanket and watch soap operas with tea and marshmallows for two days in a row.

If such episodes are rare, it’s even useful for the psyche. Unlike your constant thinking: “I'm a poor thing, have pity on me!” Maybe, someone will have pity, but hardly anyone will be eager to meet you, give you a job, offer cooperation or invite on dates.

You are strong, smart and worth the best. Despite anything. Full stop.

3. Stop blaming others for your problems

Yes, life is not ideal. Someone had toxic parents, someone began business in the midst of a global crisis, someone had a difficult and exhausting divorce… Each of us has something to complain about. But sticking to these thoughts leads to even worse damage. You should live further, having made conclusions and let go of the grievances of the past.

4. Stop hoping that somebody will make you happy

The most valuable thing a person can give to himself or herself is a feeling of inner support which does not fear of external storms. As long as your happiness’s remote control is in other person’s hands, you will get into relationships with narcissists, tyrants, jealous and emotionally unavailable people – and cause yourself even more harm.

Not searching for happiness but sharing it – this is the base of happy relationships.

5. Stop fearing mistakes

Mistakes and failures are inevitable parts of any significant achievements in life. To avoid mistakes means to avoid success, because one is impossible without the other.

6. Stop beating yourself up about the past

All of us can do things that we later regret. But a fact remains a fact, and then we have a choice: to let those events and regrets about them control our further life or to realize that a mistake is not a whole life but only its little fragment. And just to live further.

7. Stop wasting time on people who don’t care about you

If you always call first, initiate meetings, propose help, but in response to your requests get only excuses or lectures, maybe it’s time to change your surroundings. Nobody waits for you here. Nobody appreciates you here. Nobody is happy to see you here. Stop clinging to people, and then you will have free space in your life – for something real.

8. Stop putting off your desires for later

Life is short, so should you put off things you could do for yourself right now? Revise your child and mature dreams – you will surely find among them something that fills you with joy and doesn’t require high costs.

Make a plan of your desires’ realization and act. Emotions and impressions fill our life with happiness.

9. Stop running away from your problems

Positive thinking is not about ignoring problems, it’s about a proper attitude. Problems with health, money, relationships - the longer you put off solving them, the more difficult it will be. Be brave to say: “Ok, I see I should do something with it, and I will make it”.

10. Stop thinking that you are not ready yet

Thousands of people throughout the world have great ideas and ambitious plans, but the matter is not moving forward. It’s all because of a trap “It’s not my time, I’m not ready”. One more diploma, when children grow up, I should get friends' advice, get some guarantees... Years go by, and nothing changes.

The truth is that you will never be fully ready. The ideal moment never comes; it’s an illusion. Just begin with what you have. Right now. With what you have now. A way appears under the feet of a walker, not a constant thinker.

11. Stop trying to control things beyond your zone of influence

There is no sense to be angry at rain. It’s just a waste of energy.

Everyone understands it, but in more serious issues they often try to change someone or something. Draw a clear line between things you can control and those you can’t. Your attitude to people and circumstances is totally in your power. Use it reasonably!

12. Stop focusing on things you don’t have

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns; in the left one, write down what you are missing, and in the right – what you already have. But be honest. Do you have arms and legs? Great! A head? Education? Roof over head? Experience. Friends. A smile. A cat. An apricot pie in the oven. A phone with photos. More! More! Write and don’t stop.

And then ask yourself: “Is it not enough to begin to live a real life?” And keep this list in mind. All the time.

13. Stop envying

Love your envy – really. It’s a great indicator of what you actually want, even if you’re afraid to admit it. Each time, instead of getting burnt inside, say to yourself: “Cool! If he/she could do it, then I will manage, too”.

You could even thank this person in your mind – for discovering a new desire in yourself. It works like magic. It’s checked.

14. Stop ignoring your needs for others

Servility in anticipation of gratitude and admission is a direct way to life in hell. One thing is to babysit your sister’s children when she’s called to work. And totally another one is to spend all weekends with them, because she is arranging her personal life without asking if you had your own plans.

Clear personal boundaries known by people who surround you are the key to your good relationships with them. And with yourself.

15. Stop pretending to be the one who you are not

“Give a microphone” to your inner voice more often. What do you really like? And what causes only negative emotions? How do you like this job? Do you really feel happy being with this person? Are you comfortable in this company or are you just trying to fit the role of “Decent Girl”, “Careerist” or “Successful Woman”?

It’s always simpler and more pleasant to be yourself than to live by other people's expectations.

16. Stop demanding perfection from yourself

The highest percentage of losers is among the perfectionists.

Act, learn, improve – but don’t expect an ideal result from yourself. It doesn’t exist. It’s enough to have a good one – and that’s already wonderful.

17. Stop changing yourself to be convenient for other people

Have you started smoking because everyone in your office does? Do you eat pizza every day because feel uncomfortable to say “No” to your colleague? Are you gossiping with neighbors because it’s the only way to talk to them? Stop. Lowering your standards so that somebody felt more comfortable is a doubtful strategy.

Stay polite, but don't change your values.

18. Stop constantly comparing yourself to other people

You’ll always find someone younger, slimmer, more successful, richer (add your variant). And, at the same time, you are the one who is better than others in something. Why to compare then, if it's a guaranteed way to drive yourself into anxiety and burnout?

Everyone has his or her own way, own starting conditions, own talents and limits. Live in your own rhythm and don’t waste time and energy on useless things.

19. Stop ignoring your emotions

Emotions are signals, not enemies. They suggest when we should take a rest, when something is wrong, when you need support or changes. Suppressed emotions do not go away, they turn into anxiety, irritation, fatigue, apathy. Start hearing yourself.

Ask: “What am I feeling now? Why?” – and give yourself a right for any emotions.

If you feel that something is wrong with your life, and anxiety about the future eats all your resources, try to figure out the reasons. A game on our website may help you hear yourself – just go to the link and give yourself a possibility to get answers to your questions, so that you could regain your inner support and self-confidence.

20. Stop criticizing yourself

“What a loser…”, “Everything is always wrong with you”, “Nothing other should be expected from you” – if this is how your inner dialogue sounds, please, stop. You destroy your confidence and your future by yourself.

Imagine that not you, but your closest person has made a mistake. Would you call him or her a loser? Stupid? Idiot? Unlikely. You would support him or her.

Then finally become such a person for yourself. The best, the most reliable and the kindest person who could support, hug, understand and inspire you is yourself.

Learn how to be such a person for yourself. Start right now – and you’ll be surprised how quickly your life will begin to change.